Worm Pong?


It’s about that time.

BAM. Dose two.

Today marks week four of my helminthic experiment. As previously discussed in hardly any detail, I’m staggering my doses in an effort to keep these babies in mah belly. Cuz let’s face it. Nothing likes to hang around my hostile intestinal tract. Not even me. But the point I am trying to make is… let’s get this party started.

Could I have daintily sipped them out of my plastic cup of lukewarm water again? Sure.

Could I promise you never to use the word daintily again? Absolutely.

But then I would have to admit that A) I am no fun, and B) my vocab is far too limited to actually promise you that.

Instead, let me introduce to a new kind of drinking game:

Worm Pong.

While I’ve never actually played Beer Pong, or Beirut … whatever the cool kids are calling it these days… It occurred to me that some people are of the notion that drinking til they puke their guts out is hardcore.

I don’t think so kids. Throw back a few parasites and call me in the morning.

Steady… steady…

Nailed it.

Before we move on, please note that the fleshly looking thing on my right arm is not some weird growth. It’s just a band-aid, guys. I had some blood work done today and neglected to remove it before all the excitement.

I hope it establishes some street cred though.

“Dose Dos”

So maybe I’m a little ridiculous, but the way I see it, you can’t stop living your life… even if you’re barely “living.” I really don’t know how in the world drinking blood suckers is funny, but tonight it was hilarious. Don’t ever stop laughing. Most of all, don’t go into a new therapy hopeless, even if it is your last hope. It just. might. work. “So cheer up pal, it’s christmas.”

But… how IS it going anyway??

Glad I asked for you.

A: Pretty well. Since I last updated three weeks ago, the “brain fog” I described has, thankfully, lifted. I’m not nearly as nauseous in the mornings, though I am pretty darn tired most of the time. I’m no stranger to exhaustion so if this is just a blessing from my UC or from the worms, I can’t really tell.

Interestingly, on day 13 (the day the worms allegedly hatch and migrate to the colon) I had a bowel movement of just straight up blood. Now, I’m well acquainted with this type of .. poop?.. but since I had/have been bleeding only occasionally/minimally, that was a surprise.  It hasn’t happened again since. So we’ll chalk it up to the worms.

Cool! 🙂

Stools continue to be formed but soft, going 4-7x a day now (due to it being “that time” of the month) WHOA TMI TMI…. calm down gentleman I didn’t even say the word “period.”

err… woops.

and the urgency to get to a bathroom in .5 seconds or less is still like a 10. STILL on the 15mgs. of prednisone. This staggered dose program makes it hard to taper as soon as I’d like, but whaddah ya gonna do. So there it is. No shocking details or revelations or interesting happenings yet. It’s still early though so I’m not getting too antsy… just glad to have 400 more worm babies getting comfortable in my gut & hoping they play nice with the seniority.

**no actual worms were harmed during this game, they are far too expensive to be throwing stuff into 😉


Keepin It Real

It’s officially been a week since I threw back the creepy crawlers.

Still alive? Check. No anaphylactic shock? Check. Worms still cookin? Double check. Over all this week wasn’t bad. Here’s a run down of notable events:

Day 1- 3– Life as usual

Day 4- 8– I experienced a little extra nausea in the mornings. I say extra, because this is generally the case… just seems to be a bit amplified. However that could be because my head has been in a constant state of brain fog/headache. I’ve never been there but I’m pretty sure this is what it feels like to be hung over.

Day 6- 8– BM’s, though still formed are getting softer and less formed… going more often, maybe 6x a day now. More cramping and pain than usual and some blood, but nothing that makes me want to throw myself against a wall.

So that’s where we are. Correction, me. That’s where I am. I’ve read that day 12 or 13 is when the worms molt and migrate to the colon, so that’s when I will most likely experience the bulk of any unpleasant side effects. Good times. But seriously I can’t wait for them to jiggle down there.

In the interest of full disclosure, let me tell you what else I’m doing:

  • Probiotics. I’ve taken them non-stop for 6 years, and tried all different suppliers. Right now I’m taking Primal Defense. For all I know it works just as well as anything, and I don’t have to keep it refridgerated which just makes my life easier.
  • VitD. Gotta have this throughout the New England winter.
  • Biotin. Did I mention I’m losing all my hair? My doc told me this would help. It doesn’t stop my hair from falling out but it does help new hair grow back. It’s times like these I wish I was a boy so I could get a buzz cut and call it a day.
  • Multi-Vit. Plan and simple. Gets the job done.
  • Iron. Last time I had my iron levels checked they were not surprisingly lacking, so I’m on a supplement for the time being…
  • Biological meds. I take several homeopathic “tinctures” and pills, before and after meals. They are whats left from my trip to Switzerland where I was being treated with Biological Medicine at Paracelsus Klinic in November.
  • High-dose Vit. C infusion. I get a high dose of Vit C along with some other homeopathic meds from Paracelsus pumped in me through an IV every Friday. This helps boost the immune system, which is especially important as being on Prednisone lowers one’s immunity.
  • Prednisone. 15 mgs. boo. give me back my hair.
  • Gluten free/Dairy Free Diet. Even though gluten and dairy are found in 90% of foods, this is the easiest diet I’ve done since getting sick. I don’t even mind it. Do I miss real bread? Um, yes. a million times yes. Is eating it worth bloody diarrhea? NOPE.

Otherwise, I try to exercise 30 min. a day, 4-5x a week. My bones are crack’a’lackin so I decided to get movin before I can’t move…. and I’ve come to terms with the fact that when I squat to sit on the toilet, no matter how often I do it, it doesn’t actually count as a real squat.

So, that’s basically week one. Tonight my husband and I are planning on taking a trip to the mall & you can bet I’ll be carrying a my usual “spare pair” (that’s a spare pair of underwear, for those of you who are confused at the term because you don’t poop your pants or are not yet over 90). Needless to say, while I wait for my worm babies to do work… I’m not banking on any miracles… just keepin’ it real.

Worm Babies

Last night I had a completely adorable four year old girl ask me if I had a baby in my belly. (fat joke?) I had to think about that one for a second. I may not have a baby in my belly, but I have about 200 whipworm eggs ready to hatch, migrate to my colon, and dig in.

Wait… what?!

Listen, we all have our dirty little secrets. Mine just happen to be the parasitic worms chillin in my guts. Last Thursday (April 21st), I swallowed my first dose of human whipworm in an effort to end my 6 year battle with severe Ulcerative Colitis. A quick read of my “About” section will tell you how I was introduced to this treatment, and why I chose it. But since some of us don’t have that kinda time, let’s just jump right in, shall we?

Lemme hit you’wit some baselines.

  • I’m 24, female, and on the lower end of a “healthy” weight.
  • I’ve been through the absolute worst with his disease. When your GI looks at you and says, “I don’t want you to go home and cry or anything, but you could die at any minute,” that’s a problem. and he’s maybe not a nice man. Regardless, I was able to pull myself back from a 30lbs weight loss (down to 90lbs), what could have been heart-stopping anemia, and a grueling 15- 20x a day sprint to the bathroom by doing alternative therapies, emotional techniques, lots of prayer, and hard-core diets. Oh, and prednisone.
  • Ah yes, prednisone. The drug we love to loathe. Pred is the only thing that can calm a flare, although even that is getting increasingly less effective. I’ve been on it for more time then I’ve been off it, and my body is already starting to show the long term effects of it. Blurred vision, hair loss, achy, cracking bones, shooting bone pain… I’ll be in a wheel chair very soon if I don’t get off this crap. or blinded by cortisone induced glaucoma. and THEN how would I get to the bathroom???
  • Right now I’m in a decent place. By decent place,  mean mostly formed BM’s, 3-5x a day, little or no blood, not very much pain but the urgency is still a huge factor. Again, this is all thanks to the prednisone. I’ve been on it for about two months to stop a flare I had in Feb/March. Now that I’ve begun the worms, I’ll stay on a dose of about 15mgs for a few weeks to counter any side effects while the little guys settle in.

And since I always loved show and tell…..

“These are my worm babies.”

Arranging to get them shipped from the AIT to my house was a little tough. Huge thanks to my Dad’s friend Bob for helping me bypass government red tape.

I’m taking three doses every 4 weeks. D1= 200, D2&3= 400, which is 1,000 altogether. There has been some evience that people with severe colitis respond better to doses rather than the typical 1,000-at-once. We’ll see.

Just the thought of being “normal” again is staggering. What the heck would I even do if I knew I wasn’t leashed to the toilet? Probably not make this creepy, Im-about-to-eat-parasites face.

The thought of just shooting them down straight outta the vile as soon as I ripped the package apart was pretty tempting, but since my husband filmed this monumental event I salvaged the little bit of propperness (not a word) I have left and dumped it into a cup of room-temp water.

Tasteless, painless, clean. This beats a colonic every time.

worm babies, do your thing.